a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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