And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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