so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
