bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
