JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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