if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
