Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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