apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
