I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
