Just cropdusted the office
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My penis needs a shock collar
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You ruined the universe
Randomize
