She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
