i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
