what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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