if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
