Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
