using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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