I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Blood and glitter go together right?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wear drunk well.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
