he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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