Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
