I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
