alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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