3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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