i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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