i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's the barista slut.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
