He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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