but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
