Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
