his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
