I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
