My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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