Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
