i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
