Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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