bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
