she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
