My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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