dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
