Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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