I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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