Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
