I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
