Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
