You made me cry and you don't even care
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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