Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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