Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
