This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
