How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
