Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
