I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
