Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There r osticjed everywhere
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
