dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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