@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
