butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
