You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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