i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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