a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
