he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
