I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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