I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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