i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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