Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize