There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
