so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
