She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
