i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
