why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
