Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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