i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
