He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
