if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
