I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
