Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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