I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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