We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize