I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's Friday. Sex?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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