You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
