do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
